The SILENCE of WINTER Page 5

  The dog whined and nuzzled her hand with his cold nose.

  After spending nearly six weeks with Luke’s folks, Meredith had decided it was time to go home and try to somehow get on with her life, however difficult it would be. It wasn’t fair to expect Dad and her twelve-year-old brother, Stanley, to keep going over to her place every day to check on things, care for the horses, and do any other chores that might need to be done. While still in mourning over Luke’s death, his mother seemed to be doing a little better now that she knew Meredith was expecting a baby, and at least she had something to look forward to, as did Meredith. So this morning during breakfast, Meredith had told Luke’s parents that she would be going home, and Elam had agreed to take her. Sadie had argued at first, saying it was too soon, but Meredith assured her she would be okay on her own and would let them know if she needed anything.

  I need to get back into a routine, she thought, turning to stare out the front of Elam’s buggy. There’s so much to do before the baby comes, and maybe keeping busy will help me not think so much about losing Luke.

  Meredith wasn’t sure how she was going to support herself. Half the money they’d had in the bank had been lost with Luke, and she’d have to be careful how she spent what was left. What she needed was a job—something she could do from her home. But what could it be?

  I’ll worry about that later, Meredith decided. Right now I need to think about how I’m going to get through the rest of this day. It wouldn’t be easy going back to the house, knowing Luke would never walk through its doors again. Nor would it be easy to sit at the table and know that she and Luke would never share another meal together or take time out to discuss their day before going to bed. Everything around the house would remind Meredith of Luke. But even though difficult, she wanted to hold on to every single one of those special memories. No, Meredith’s life would never be the same without Luke, but somehow, by the grace of God, she would have to learn how to deal with it. She had to—for her baby’s sake.

  Ronks, Pennsylvania

  Luann had just entered her chiropractor’s office when she noticed Sarah Miller sitting across the room, looking at a magazine. Sarah was a petite, small-boned woman in her midfifties who, except for her slightly graying brown hair, looked more youthful than some women half her age. Sarah and her husband, Raymond, had moved from Ohio to Lancaster County four months ago. Luann had heard they’d come to be near Sarah’s aging parents. Raymond was a buggy maker, and his business had been doing quite well since he’d set up shop. There seemed to be a lot of buggy accidents due to all the increasing traffic, so more than one buggy maker was needed in the area. Since the Millers were in a different church district than the Kings and Stoltzfuses, Luann hadn’t gotten to know them that well, but she and Sarah had spoken a few times at various community events.

  “Wie geht’s?” Sarah asked when Luann took a seat beside her.

  Luann sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “I’ll be better once I see Dr. Warren and he works on my sore hals.“

  “What’s wrong with your neck?”

  “I think I may have slept on it wrong.”

  “I know how painful that can be. Raymond’s in with the doctor right now, getting his back adjusted.”

  “Did he injure it somehow?”

  “No, he just woke up this morning, complaining that his back hurt. He thinks the mattress we recently bought is too hard.”

  “It is difficult to sleep when the bed’s uncomfortable.” Luann released another long sigh. “To tell you the truth, I haven’t slept well since my daughter Meredith’s husband died. It’s been so stressful with all the worrying I’ve done over her. I suppose that could be another reason for my neck pain.”

  “Jah, stress can do all kinds of things to a person’s body.” Sarah’s eyes were full of compassion. “That was too bad about your son-in-law. I’d only met him once, when he’d come by the buggy shop while I was taking lunch to Raymond. I’m sure Luke’s death has been hard on everyone in your family.”

  “It has been difficult, and try as I may, I just can’t help but worry about Meredith. Even more so now that she’s left her in-laws’ house and has gone back to her home.”

  “Oh, when was that?” Sarah asked.

  “Sadie left a message on our answering machine this morning, letting us know her husband had taken Meredith home soon after breakfast.”

  “I can understand your worry,” Sarah said. “I fretted about my daughter when she lost her first husband, too. But now, thank the Lord, she’s living in Arthur, Illinois, and is happily married to a wonderful man who’s doing a fine job helping raise her two little ones.”

  “I know it’s natural for a mother to worry about her children, and I’m praying that in time everything will be okay.” Luann reached up to rub the back of her neck. “We do have some good news in our family, though.”

  “Oh, what’s that?”

  “Meredith’s expecting a boppli in July. We’re pleased about becoming grandparents, of course, and we plan to help out as much as we can, because it’s going to be hard for Meredith to raise the baby alone.”

  “That’s wunderbaar. Maybe after a suitable time, she’ll get married again, like our daughter did.” Sarah’s emerald-green eyes shimmered as she smiled.

  Luann slowly shook her head. “Meredith loved her husband very much, and she’s taken his death quite hard, so I doubt she would ever marry again.”

  “But don’t you suppose after some time has passed, if the right man came along, she might get married—for the sake of the boppli, if for no other reason?” Sarah asked.

  Luann shrugged. “I suppose that could eventually happen, but it’s hard to imagine. Right now, though, Meredith just needs her family’s support.”

  “Of course she does. So how are Sadie and Elam doing?” Sarah questioned.

  “They took the news of their son’s death very hard—especially Sadie.”

  Sarah’s lips compressed. “That’s understandable. I don’t know how I could ever deal with it if something were to happen to either of my kinner. Even though our daughter lives in Illinois and her twin brother lives in Ohio, we’re all very close. It was hard for Raymond and me to leave our son and move to Pennsylvania, but we knew it was the right decision once we got here and realized how much my folks needed us.”

  “Families needing families; that’s how it should be,” Luann said, fully understanding the way Sarah felt. When Luann’s mother had moved in with them, even though it meant another mouth to feed, neither Luann nor Philip had seen it as a burden.

  Sarah placed her magazine on the small table to her left. “Raymond and I were pleased when we received a message from our son last night, saying he’d found a buyer for the buggy shop that he and his daed ran together before we moved. Now that it’s sold, he plans to move here, and he and Raymond will work together again.” She grinned, revealing the small dimples in her cheeks. “I’m real pleased about that, and I hope it won’t be long until our son finds a nice girl and decides to get married. Then our family will be complete. Since I was only able to bear two children, I’m hoping for lots of grandchildren.”

  Luann didn’t voice her opinion, but it sounded to her like Sarah might be trying to plan her son’s future, which she didn’t think was a good thing at all.

  Philadelphia

  “How’s that young man you’ve been caring for these past few weeks?” Susan’s grandfather asked as she sat at the kitchen table with her grandparents, drinking coffee and eating some of Grandma’s warm sticky buns. Anne had already left for the hospital because she had the early morning shift, but Susan wouldn’t have to leave for work until afternoon.

  “Unfortunately, even after several surgeries, he’s pretty much the same,” Susan replied, blotting her lips on a napkin. “I’ve been calling him Eddie, and I talk to him all the time, but he’s still unresponsive.”

  “That’s too bad,” Grandma said, reaching for her cup of coffee. “Perhaps something you say
will eventually get through to him.”

  Susan nodded. “That’s what I’m hoping for, but the longer he remains in a coma, the less his chances are of coming out of it.”

  “Just remember, with God all things are possible,” Grandpa said, placing his hand on Susan’s arm.

  Susan smiled. “I know that, but I appreciate the reminder.” She was thankful Grandpa and Grandma had taken her and Anne into their home and cared for them after their parents had died in a car accident when Susan and Anne were thirteen and fifteen. Grandma and Grandpa were true Christians in every sense of the word, and their gentle spirits and caring actions had proved that repeatedly. Besides offering their godly influence, Grandma and Grandpa had paid for both Susan and Anne to attend college and get the training they needed to work in the medical profession. They had flatly refused to accept any rent money from Susan and her sister after they’d begun working at the hospital. Grandma had smiled and said she enjoyed having her two special girls living in their home. She’d added with a twinkle in her eyes, “You’ll both be getting married someday, so you should be saving up for that.”

  That’s not likely to happen, Susan thought. I’m twenty-eight and have all but given up on finding the right man, and Anne says she’s married to her job. I think we’re both going to end up being career women—and worse yet, old maids.

  “So have you made any plans for this coming weekend?” Grandpa questioned.

  Susan shook her head. “Except for going to church on Sunday, I’ll probably try to get caught up on my sleep.”

  “What about the Valentine’s banquet our church young people are having on Saturday night?” Grandma asked. “Aren’t you and Anne planning to go to that?”

  “I can’t speak for Anne, but I’m not going.”

  The wrinkles in Grandma’s forehead deepened. “Why not, for goodness’ sake? It would be a chance to socialize with someone other than sick and hurting patients or your crotchety old grandparents.”

  Susan rolled her eyes. “To me, you and Grandpa aren’t old, and you’re anything but crotchety.”

  “Be that as it may, I still think you should go to the banquet,” Grandma said, handing Susan the plate of sticky buns.

  “No thanks, I’ve had my share.” She patted her flat stomach. “I need to stay fit and trim so I can keep up with my patients.”

  “Back to the Valentine’s banquet,” Grandpa said, wiggling his bushy eyebrows, “you just never know who you might meet there. Could be the man of your dreams.”

  Susan brushed the idea aside. “I doubt that would happen. Besides, I know all the single men at our church, and none of them interests me in the least.”

  The three of them sat in silence for a while, until Grandma asked Susan another question.

  “Do you have any plans this morning before you leave for work, or are you just going to hang around here until it’s time to go to the hospital?”

  “Well, I’ve been thinking about making an appointment at the hair salon, because I feel like I need a change.”

  “What are you planning to do?”

  “Maybe a perm or perhaps some highlights,” Susan replied. “I’m tired of my straight brown hair. Anne was the lucky one, born with naturally curly hair,” she added. “She can just wash it and go, and it always looks good.”

  “You know me—I’m kind of old-fashioned about the idea of changing your looks on purpose,” Grandma said, patting Susan’s arm affectionately. “God made us all unique. I think your hair is beautiful, and it turns under so nicely when you style it.” She smiled tenderly as she touched the ends of Susan’s hair. “Your hair reminds me of how I used to wear mine when I was younger, before it started turning gray.”

  “I hope I’m as lucky as you, Grandma, when my hair turns gray.” Susan smiled. “Some people are just blessed to have gorgeous gray hair, and you are definitely one of them.”

  “You’re right about that,” Grandpa agreed. “In fact, my wife is as beautiful now as the day we got married.” He leaned over and kissed Grandma’s cheek.

  I’ve always hoped that someday someone will look tenderly at me, the way Grandpa and Grandma do with each other, Susan thought. Their deep commitment to each other and the abiding love they share are so rare. To have a relationship like that is really special. But if I don’t meet someone soon, I guess that’s not likely to happen.

  Grandpa bumped Susan’s arm gently with his elbow, pulling her thoughts aside. “If there should be any change in Eddie’s condition today, when you get home tonight, be sure to let us know, okay?”

  Susan nodded. She wasn’t the only person who’d been praying for Eddie, and she hoped that God would answer their prayers soon.

  As if in some faraway fog, the man thought he heard voices. What were the people saying? Were they speaking to him?

  He struggled to open his eyes but couldn’t manage to pry them open. It felt as though something heavy rested on top of his head.

  Where am I? Who am I? Why can’t I wake up? Am I dreaming? Could I be dead?

  He tried once more to open his eyes, but it was in vain.

  I hurt everywhere, and I’m scared. Why won’t someone tell me what’s causing this pain? Will somebody please tell me my name?

  The more the man fought to climb to the surface, the more the pain seemed to engulf him. It was like his body was sending out a warning, and the pain was telling him to stay right where he was, oblivious to everything else. Thinking was exhausting, and it made him hurt even more, yet he yearned for something—anything that was familiar. But it just wouldn’t come.

  As he fell back into his safe little cocoon, the pain seemed to go someplace else, and it was easy not to struggle anymore. He felt safe, insulated and protected in this little shell where he didn’t have to think about anything at all. Slowly, as he gave up trying to figure out answers, the pain ebbed into some faraway place.

  CHAPTER 8

  Bird-in-Hand

  Meredith put the mop away in the utility room and stopped to rub a sore spot on her lower back. She’d been home from Sadie and Elam’s for nearly a week and had been working hard from the time she got up until she went to bed each night. She’d convinced herself that she needed to keep busy so she wouldn’t have any spare time on her hands. Spare time gave way to too much thinking. Every night Meredith made a mental note of what she wanted to accomplish the next day. As long as she did that, she felt like she had a reason to get out of bed each morning. She realized that if she concentrated on her tasks and wore herself out, by the end of the day, when her head hit the pillow, she’d be out like a light. So far, she’d been able to do that. Pure exhaustion took over by nightfall, and she could barely stay awake long enough to fix herself something for supper.

  She had put Fritz in his dog run this morning and would keep him there all day, because whenever he was in the house he always seemed to be underfoot. The other day, Meredith had nearly tripped on the dog when he’d been following her from room to room. As much as she enjoyed the pup’s company, she couldn’t have him inside all of the time, keeping her from getting things done. Besides, whenever Fritz approached something that had been Luke’s—like his favorite chair—he would sit next to it and whine. This only made Meredith miss Luke even more.

  To keep her thoughts at bay, she’d kept busy this morning, cleaning the house. The windows were spotless, and the woodwork in the living room and dining room glistened like polished stone. Meredith had cleaned it so well that the wood grain stood out, making it even more beautiful than it had been before. Luke would have been pleased with how nice it looked. Oh, if he could just be here to see it right now, the way he had been in the dream she’d had last night.

  She’d dreamed that she’d had the baby, and the baby was giggling as Luke made funny noises and faces. He’d held the baby so tenderly, while looking lovingly at Meredith with his beautiful turquoise eyes. No wonder she’d awakened feeling rested for the first time since his death. It had been so real, like they’d
truly been together. Meredith had actually giggled out loud in her sleep, and that’s what had awakened her. If only it hadn’t been a dream. Meredith had heard it said that time heals all wounds, but she didn’t think any amount of time would heal the sorrow she felt over losing her husband.

  Forcing her thoughts aside before she gave in to tears, Meredith gathered up the throw rugs in the living room and had just opened the door to shake them out when she heard Fritz carrying on from his kennel. Looking out into the yard, she spotted her friend Dorine’s horse and buggy coming up the lane.

  After Dorine secured her horse to the hitching rail by the barn, she hurried up to the house and gave Meredith a hug. “How are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’ve been trying to get through this,” Meredith answered truthfully, struggling not to cry. “I’m trying hard to be strong.”

  “You don’t have to be strong,” Dorine said with a shake of her head. “Your family and friends want to help, which is why I stopped by—to see if there’s anything I can do for you or anything you might need.”

  “Seth came by a few days ago to take Luke’s horse out for a run, and I don’t really need anything else right now.” Except for Luke. I need my husband back in my life. Meredith couldn’t trust herself to keep talking about Luke, so she asked, “Where’s the rest of your family?”

  “Seth is working at the Shoe and Boot store today, and Merle and Cathy are with my mamm.

  I had some shopping to do, so Mom offered to take the kinner for the day so it would be a little easier.” Dorine leaned on the porch railing. “I love my children, but shopping with a one-year-old and a three-year-old can be a bit daunting.”

  Meredith nodded. When she’d been living at home before marrying Luke, she’d taken her younger siblings shopping a few times, and it had been tiring. “I appreciate you coming by, Dorine. Sometimes, with only Fritz for company, it can get kind of lonely. I do all the talking, and the poor pup just lies around looking as sad as I feel.”