Woman of Courage Read online

  Knowing she had lost the battle, Amanda whirled around and marched off to get the needed supplies for making their evening meal. “What’s the use in arguing? Men can be so pigheaded,” she muttered under her breath. Amanda paused and looked upward. Forgive me, Lord. I know I should not be so ungrateful or stubborn, but thanks to my equally stubborn guide, I will be forced to travel on the Sabbath. I hope Thou wilt understand and will not hold it against me.

  Amanda spent most of the following days quietly following Harvey’s instructions as they continued their journey. She barely managed to squeeze in time for her morning scripture reading and prayer, when Harvey ordered her to mount up. He meant what he said about traveling on the Sabbath, and as the weeks passed, Amanda realized she would never have a day of rest until they reached the Spaldings’ mission.

  That man is deplorable, she fumed. He’s uncouth, ill-mannered, and doesn’t seem to care about God. It’s no wonder he isn’t married. No woman in her right mind would be desperate enough to marry a man like him. Amanda wondered why Papa had hired Harvey as their guide. But then, she reasoned, wilderness guides aren’t easy to come by, and Harvey does seem to know his way around. He should, I guess, since according to him, he’s been doing it a long time. And he surely understands the Indians a lot better than I do. I suppose I should be more grateful.

  “Looks like we might be in for a storm,” Harvey said, breaking into Amanda’s thoughts. “The wind’s pickin’ up, and a few raindrops just splattered on my nose.”

  Maybe that is because thy nose is so big, Amanda mused. Feeling guilty, she reminded herself that a good Christian woman, on her way to preach the Good News to the Nez Percé Indians, should not be entertaining negative thoughts about another human being—especially one who was trying to get her safely across the mountains.

  Amanda had been so busy reflecting on her companion’s negative qualities that she hadn’t even noticed the change in the weather. Harvey was right, it was beginning to rain. The once crystal-blue sky had darkened with gray clouds, and the wind lashed angrily at the tree branches on all sides of the trail. She shuddered as the trees groaned, swaying from the force of the wind. The spooky, creaking sound teased her nerves.

  “Are we going to stop and take shelter?” Amanda called to Harvey.

  “Not yet,” he replied. “There’s too many trees here. Don’t wanna chance one of ’em blowin’ over on us. We’ll keep ridin’ till we find a clearing that looks safe.”

  Amanda figured Harvey was probably right, although being in the seclusion of trees made her feel safer than when they were out in the open where they could be watched more easily. He always seemed to be right, though, and that irritated her more than she cared to admit. She reached behind and pulled a small tarp from one of her packs, while holding firmly to her saddle with the other hand. With difficulty, she managed to drape the covering over her head and shoulders, hoping it would shield her from some of the drenching rain.

  “Is it always like this here in the Rockies?” she yelled over to Harvey. The rain pelted so noisily on the tarp that Amanda had to strain to hear his answer.

  “Mostly in the springtime,” he hollered back. “It rains a lot in the mountains, ya know.”

  No, she didn’t know. Until now, Amanda had never been in the mountains. She’d never been away from New York until this trip. She’d never seen anything like the vast greatness and majesty of these mountains.

  Amanda shivered and wiped some raindrops from her cheeks. When she and Papa had first left home, she’d foolishly thought this trip would be a fun adventure. So far, there had been nothing fun or pleasant about her journey. The routine of riding all day was exhausting. Camping outdoors and cooking over an open fire were inconvenient. Her mission was worthy, and she shouldn’t complain, but there were times like today when she felt irritable and out of sorts. The damp weather had done nothing to cheer her melancholy mood, either. To make matters worse, she missed Papa something awful, and she didn’t think she’d ever stop blaming herself for suggesting this trip.

  As they traveled on, the weather grew steadily worse. The wind howled eerily, and rumbles of thunder shook the earth with such force that Amanda wondered how the horses and mules stayed on their feet. Lightning zigzagged across the sky, and rain pummeled the ground with the fury of angry warriors, changing the trail to a sludgy mud. She held herself so tightly in the saddle and felt so tense with worry that she wondered how much longer her muscles could endure the stress.

  Back East whenever there was a storm like this, Amanda would watch it through a window from the safety of their home. Those thunderstorms had never frightened Amanda like this violent weather. She figured it might be because they were outside with no protection. It felt so cold.

  Just when Amanda thought she could take no more, the sky lit up with a jolt of lightning that streaked toward the ground and slit a tall pine tree right down the middle. It struck so close that the hair under her bonnet felt charged. Harvey’s horse whinnied and veered to the left, but it was too late. The tree fell with a mighty force, landing on top of both horse and rider!

  Amanda screamed. “Harvey, no!”

  CHAPTER 5

  Amanda screamed again, but it was drowned out by the fury of the wind and rain. Both Harvey and his horse lay motionless on the ground, pinned beneath a heavy tree.

  She reined in her skittish mare and quickly dismounted. Stepping around the fallen tree, she dropped to her knees next to her guide. “Harvey, canst thou hear me?”

  No response.

  Amanda called his name again and again, but he lay there, unmoving, dark blood oozing from a gaping wound in his head. She placed her hand against his nose to feel his breathing, but the air was still. Harvey’s arm lay free from the tree, and Amanda felt for his pulse. Nothing.

  Amanda watched helplessly as the last breath of life shuddered from the horse’s nostrils. As much as she hated to admit it, both Harvey and his horse were dead. As she reached out to close Harvey’s eyelids, sobs of anguish, coming from the depths of her soul, poured out. She’d not only lost her father, but now her guide was gone. Amanda was all alone, with nothing but two horses and two pack mules. She had no idea how to get to the Spaldings’ mission, and even if she did, what chance would she have of providing food, shelter, and protection for herself along the way?

  “Oh Lord, what am I going to do?” Amanda wailed. Despite Harvey’s rough exterior and disinterest in spiritual things, the poor man was one of God’s creations, and he deserved a proper burial. She was fairly confident that she could manage to dig a grave, but how on earth was she going to move that tree off Harvey’s body?

  Amanda’s horse whinnied, and she suddenly realized how the task might be accomplished. She would tie a rope to her horse’s saddle, and secure the other end to one of the larger limbs on the section of tree that had fallen on Harvey. If the horse could pull the tree aside, Amanda would be able to free Harvey’s body before digging his grave.

  A strangled sob caught in her throat. “Dear Lord, please help me. I have never dug a grave before!”

  Amanda’s legs trembled as she rose to her feet. The raging storm was slowly diminishing, with the thunder and lightning ebbing away, but the heavy rain continued. Maybe the rain would make the ground soft for digging. But if the ground became too muddy, it would be harder to dig. She took a rope from one of the supply bags and set to work. After nearly an hour, she managed to get the tree off Harvey and his horse. By then, the rain had stopped and the storm had moved on, although she could still hear thunder in the distance. Now she faced the chore of digging a shallow grave for the unfortunate man.

  She found a shovel in one of Harvey’s packs and began digging into the wet earth. Once the hole was deep enough, Amanda gritted her teeth, and using what strength she had, she rolled Harvey’s body in. Then she covered him with a tarp and began the job of filling in the grave with rain-soaked dirt. When that was done, she piled several rocks on top, tied two sticks toget
her to form a cross, and placed it at the head of the grave. There was nothing she could do about Harvey’s horse. He was too big and heavy for her to consider trying to bury. The animal would have to lie on the trail, to be eaten by the buzzards or whatever creatures might come along to claim it for a meal.

  Amanda’s muscles ached so badly that it was all she could do to stay on her feet. Since they hadn’t stopped for their afternoon meal, she hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. But despite her fatigue, she felt no hunger. Her stomach had begun to churn, and she feared she might get sick. Turning away from the grave, Amanda went to the river, filled her canteen, and washed up. What she wouldn’t give to soak in a tub full of warm water. After taking care of Harvey’s body, Amanda had been splattered with mud, but the river’s water, cold from melting snow, was better than nothing.

  I need to say something over Harvey’s grave, she told herself, rising slowly to her feet. He deserves that much. Amanda winced. Unless Harvey had gotten right with the Lord before his death, which seemed unlikely, he had not made it to heaven. “It’s my fault,” she whispered. “I feel like a failure. I should have told Harvey more about God and the Inner Light. I’ve proclaimed myself to be a missionary, yet I haven’t led one person to the Lord. If I had known Harvey was going to die, I would have said more.”

  Removing her Bible from her valise, Amanda stood beside Harvey’s grave and read the Twenty-third Psalm: “ ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters….’ ”

  When she came to the sixth verse, she nearly choked on the words. “ ‘Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.’ ”

  Amanda stopped reading. Without Harvey as her protector and guide, she was in the shadow of death herself. Was her faith strong enough to believe that God would provide for her in this seemingly hopeless situation? Did she have the nerve to go on?

  She swallowed hard and offered up a simple prayer: “Heavenly Father, please show me what to do and then give me the strength and courage to do it.” She thought of a verse from the Gospel of Luke: “Ask, and it shall be given you, seek, and ye shall find: knock and it shall be opened unto you.” If she could muster up enough faith, then surely God would answer her prayers. After all, the Lord had saved her from the Blackfoot warriors, so He could certainly show her the way through the mountains ahead.

  It was already growing dark, and Amanda knew she could not spend the night next to a dead horse and its master’s grave. Besides, the trail they’d been on was narrow, with no adequate place for setting up camp. She secured the pack mules to her father’s horse, mounted her own mare, and rode on.

  Sometime later, Amanda came upon a small clearing where she set up camp and built a fire. At least she knew how to do that much. After her recent ordeal, Amanda really had no appetite for food, but if she was going to keep up her strength, she needed to eat. She would change out of her wet clothes and cook supper. Maybe then she could think more clearly and decide what to do.

  Once the fire had died down some, Amanda set a kettle of water on the burning coals to cook some dried rabbit she’d found in Harvey’s pack. It wasn’t much of a supper, but it would have to do. She’d already watered the horses and mules and tied them out to graze on some tall grass, as she’d seen Harvey do whenever they stopped for the night. But what about all the things she didn’t know how to do? She’d never handled a gun or dressed wild game.

  Amanda wasn’t sure how long her supply of dried meat, beans, and grain would hold out. They’d finished their fresh vegetables a couple of weeks back. And even though she was feeding only one person now, eventually she’d need to find a food supply or she’d run out of things to eat.

  Amanda’s thoughts turned from food to travel. She could either stay put, hoping someone would come along and escort her to the Spaldings’ mission, or she could make an attempt to get there herself. Maybe by morning I’ll know what to do, she decided. Perhaps God will speak to me during the night and give some direction.

  Bedding down on her mat was pure torture. The night sounds and pitch-black sky created an eerie, nerve-racking scene, and Amanda felt the cold chill of fear sweep through her. She’d never spent a night by herself, much less in the wilderness, where all kinds of dangers posed any number of threats.

  Earlier, the clouds had parted, and now, gazing up from her bedroll, Amanda felt small in comparison to the vastness of the star-filled sky. In her exhaustion, she didn’t bother to put up the tarp cover, hoping there would be no more rain. When she’d first slept on the Plains, she’d felt so confident about her decision to go West. Now, staring at the stars, she questioned her intentions. Instead of making a snap decision to leave New York, she should have prayed about it more, seeking God’s will. Well, it was too late for that. She was here by herself, and Papa and Harvey were gone. Nothing could change that, no matter how much she wished for it.

  Amanda sighed and tried to relax as she huddled under her blanket. She’d put a few extra logs on the fire before lying down on her sleeping mat, remembering that Harvey had said once that a good fire would keep wolves and other animals away from the campsite. But what if some not-so-friendly Indians happened upon her? Other than Harvey’s gun, Amanda had no protection.

  As Amanda lay awake, listening to the night sounds, she had the strange feeling that someone was watching her. Whether it was her imagination or the truth, Amanda prayed that whoever was watching would remain simply curious and leave her alone, unharmed.

  The fire felt good as its warmth spread toward her. She clutched her blanket closer, watching as sparks floated higher into the darkness. The wood snapped and popped as it burned steadily, and Amanda’s eyes grew heavy. Just before falling asleep, she reached inside her valise and pulled out the Bible, which she knew offered words of wisdom and comfort. “Thy Word will protect me, Lord,” Amanda whispered, clutching the Bible tightly to her chest. “I must have the faith to believe that. Oh Lord, help Thou my unbelief.”

  CHAPTER 6

  Amanda sat up with a start, unsure of what had awakened her. Had she heard a noise? Had she been dreaming? Could it have been God’s voice?

  She propped herself up on one elbow and glanced cautiously around. As far as she could tell, she was alone, just as she had been the night before, and the night before that. It had been two full days since Amanda had buried her guide along the trail, and from the time she had begun traveling by herself, she’d prayed for a miracle. Amanda had come to the conclusion that she had no other choice but to keep moving because so far no one had come along to help. It was either travel on, or sit and wait to die. She just hoped and prayed she was heading in the right direction.

  Amanda knew that the sun set in the west, so when the sun rose each morning, she traveled in the opposite direction. Of course, she had no idea how far it was to the Oregon Territory, or how she would know she was there, if and when she reached her destination. God willing, she would find a band of Nez Percé Indians along the trail. If she could communicate with them, they might show her the way.

  Why am I thinking such foolish thoughts? Amanda berated herself. I wouldn’t know a Nez Percé Indian from a Blackfoot, even if I rode into one of their camps. I cannot believe how unprepared I am for this trip.

  She released her breath in a moan and forced her aching body to stand, stretching to get the kinks out. Her stomach rumbled, but she was in no mood for another breakfast of dried meat and biscuits. What she wouldn’t give for a decent meal, a nice hot bath, some clean clothes, and a soft bed. Nothing Amanda had imagined about making this trip had come close to what she’d experienced. The wilderness had taken Papa and Harvey, and short of a miracle, it could very well take her—if not due to some freak accident or Indian attack, then from lack of proper nourishment.

  Amanda’s thoughts went to the band of Blackfoot Indians who had confronted her and Harve
y a few days ago. She had never been so frightened. Somehow she’d managed to conceal her fear, even though her heart had felt as if it were beating louder than thunder.

  How proud and stoic those Indians had stood. They had showed no real emotion, other than to glare at her and Harvey as if they were intruders, traveling through land the Indians thought was theirs. In a way, Amanda felt sympathetic toward the red men. After all, they were here first, but white people were encroaching on the land the Indians had previously shared with only God’s creatures.

  When they had first left Fort Laramie, Harvey had tried to explain that Indians were one with the land. They blended in with the nature surrounding them and respected Mother Earth. They were not constricted by material things many white people felt they couldn’t live without. Nowhere in this Indian territory had Amanda seen trash strewn about or the land and animals abused by anyone other than the white men who had already ventured through here. No forest had been cleared by the red men. The land seemed to be untouched, as if God had just created it.

  Amanda hadn’t missed the way the Blackfeet had eyed her. If they could have communicated, Amanda wondered what they would have said to her. She especially wished she’d known what they’d thought once her Bible had been revealed. At that moment, she’d known for certain that God was with her, for she could only imagine what might have happened if His Word hadn’t tumbled out of her valise.

  Amanda closed her eyes, lifted her gaze toward the rising sun, and whispered a prayer. Dear God, please give me the strength and courage I need for this day. Be with me and calm my anxious heart as I continue this journey.

  From the time she’d awakened, to the time she prepared for bed that night, Amanda had carried an uneasy feeling. Was it just her nerves, or was it the fact that she was all alone in a dense forest at the bottom of a steep trail?